The Star Wars Drinking Game

To play the Star Wars drinking game, you will need:

• The Star Wars Trilogy on tape (one movie for a short game)
• An ample supply of your favorite beverage (milk, right?)
• A really good sound system, so the explosions seem to happen all around you. Kapow! (optional)

Begin by inserting your weatherbeaten "Star Wars" videotape into the big slot on your VCR. Play the tape. Dim the lights for dramatic effect, if you haven't already. The game begins right as "20th Century Fox" appears.

Basically, every time one of the listed events occurs, everone takes a sip of their drink. If you are using alcoholic beverages, I really don't recommend emptying a whole glass each time. You will lose consciousness before Vader even says "Don't underestimate the Force".

Drink whenever:

• Someone has a bad feeling about this.
• It is Luke's destiny.
• A TIE Fighter explodes for no reason.
• Obi-Wan Kenobi materializes for a guest appearance.
• Luke discovers a long-lost relative.
• Han brags about the Millenium Falcon.
• Anybody insults the Millenium Falcon.
• Tarkin brags about the Death Star.
• Leia insults somebody.
• Luke whines.
• The Emperor cackles evilly.
• Yoda uses bad grammar.
• Yoda talks like a fortune cookiee.
• An entire planet is described as having one climate.
• It's their only hope.
• R2-D2 gets thrashed.
• C-3PO loses a body part. (Take two drinks if he's completely dismembered)
• Luke fights savages or monsters.
• Obi-Wan plays detective. ("...Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise.")
• Boba Fett talks.
• Somebody gets choked. (Take two drinks if they're choked to death)
• A gigantic technological marvel explodes in a single blast.
• There is a tremor in the Force.
• Luke does a nifty acrobatic flip.
• Stormtroopers shoot everywhere but where they're aiming.
• R2-D2 plugs into the wrong socket and his head spins around.
• An old Jedi starts to ramble about the Force. (Vader counts.)
• An Ewok dies, and the camera lingers longer than it did when the Death Star killed billions of people. (Fourteen seconds. Count 'em.)
• Somebody's hand gets cut off.
• The Emperor has foreseen something.
• Luke teeters on the brink of a chasm.
• Stormtrooper armor proves useless.
• You find yourself talking to the television.

The game ends when a bunch of Ewoks start dancing. No matter what you've been drinking, you will remember this image. The last person to give up drinking on each cue is the winner. Of course, ties are possible.

If at some point you find that no one can successfully operate the VCR any more, the game may as well be abandoned.

As a bonus gift, I've included another game designed especially for all you non-drinkers:

Star Wars: The Drinking Game For AA Members

The rules are basically the same as the other game, but the drinking cues are difference. Drink when:

• Multiple Ewoks are killed.
• Stormtroopers display intelligence, courage, or training in battle.
• Fantastic technology is explained.
• Somebody listens to C-3PO.
• Somebody cares about the environment.
• The Emperor acts like a charming politician.